I feel the same way too Gorgeous.. :)
2009/11/07
2009/10/04
What Men REALLY want in a Women.
Okay, i know i've been posting alot of boliao entries the past week or so, and i also know that some of my female readers are getting pretty impatient with my lack of 'LRPs' (Love-Related Posts). You see ladies, the reason why i've not been posting anything "informative" these past few days was because i was doing some research work! For what? For this entry la duhh..hurhurhur..Why i chose this topic? Oh well, i received 21 emails requesting for me to write something that will help them understand men's words and body-language better. In view of that, i have researched probably dozens of books/ scientific journals, and compiled the more important ones in this Nutshell i call 'What Men Really Want in a Woman'. Enjoy. ;)
Disclaimer: I am NOT a Love Guru or neither am i a Qualified Psychologist (Ethically speaking, i can't be called '100% Qualified' since i've yet to take my Masters in Clinical PSy). However, my main source of Free-time Entertainment is researching, and reading up books about the Psychology of Men, Women and everything in between. Everything i write will be based purely on factual stuff, so you can safely bet that none of the thoeries that i will share with you, were coined while i was doing the dishes, late last night.
Whatever i am about to share with you will change how you view men, dating, and relationships .I'm about to take you "behind the scenes" in the male mind. Are you ready? Now sit back, relax and allow me to disect a man's cerebral cortex, and give you a perspective that most women will never be able to see or realize, until its too late.
Sadly for most women, not seeing things the way I'm about to share with you keeps them trapped in patterns of misunderstanding and unfulfilling relationships with men.If you pay careful attention , you're going to start having better chances with men, whether you're single and looking for that right guy... or you're already in a relationship, and you'd like to start connecting on a deeper level.
WHAT MEN SAY AND WHAT THEY REALLY MEANT BY THAT.
Have you ever heard a guy telling you, "I'm not ready for a serious relationship." How about this one : "Let's take a break." If you've ever been close to a man, then i'm sure you've heard those words before (Yes, even if you're Miss World). Men say these kinda things all the time; All across from Spain to Singapore, and London to Japan. And do you have the slightest idea by what they really mean when they say those words?
If you think about it, most men who've actually said those words will most likely end up with another woman soon after. They would start meeting new women, go on dates, and once they've found a woman they liked, and were very attracted to, they'd spend most of their time with this new woman.
They would end up jumping into another "serious relationship" with this person, even though they said they were'nt ready to do so with the previous woman!!!
Now what's the freaking problem??
Let me explain.
When a WOMAN says, "I'm going to stay home and relax today," she probably means that she's going to stay home, make sure that her house and life is in order, catch up on chores, feed the cat, and then maybe watch some Desperate Housewives DVDs, alone.
When a MAN says that he's going to "stay home and relax", he's probably going to watch some porn with 20 of his closest friends, play the PSP, surf Tagged.com looking for females to prey on, and/or sleep till the cows come home.
In simple words: MEN and WOMEN are programmed to think, feel and react differently.While women are mostly emotionally driven, men are catalysted by the power of Testoterone. The words they use often don't mean what they sound like they mean.
THE BIG SECRET MEN AIN'T TELLING YOU.
Most men rarely declare what they really want from a woman, why they date, and what it means for them to have a relationship.Unfortunately, for the good women who are trying to create a great relationship with a man, this invisible barrier may be hard to penetrate! Sibei heng, I have the answers.... (Thanks to the Men-Expert, Mr C.Carter)
Most Men only want a relationship with a woman who already has about 100 other qualities that they never mention and could probably never list or describe even if they were asked to. And, they'll only end up emotionally involved and not RESISTING a long term relationship, if they experience for themselves a woman who proves she has these qualities over time.In other words, most men have a set of "WANTS IN A WOMAN" subconciously programmed in their Brains, and until they find that perfect woman, he is mostly likely bail, and look for the next one that fits/nearly fits his pre-requisites.MOST MEN don't want a woman they have to 'train'.The last thing a man wants to do, is to take a woman who DOESN'T "naturally" understand these things, and show her what they are, and how they work. It's unfair you say? But hey, you women are not easy to understand either! Hahaa..:)
THE IDEAL WOMAN
Here are a few that are important to most of us, Men:
1) Lack of Insecurities.
Men absolutely hate it when they see a women who are'nt confident about how they look, feel or being perceived by others. EXAMPLE: You happen to be someone who has a near perfect WHR (Waist to Hip Ratio), but keeps on ranting about your weight issues. Come on la, how much thinner can a piece of paper get?? How do you expect us men to accept your imperfections when you yourself are unable to do so?
2) Easygoing
Most men love hanging out with women who are fun-loving and sociable, especially around his friends. Girls who are anti-social are a no-no for most men. (Singaporean Terms: Rilek one corner, chill, steady bom pi pi)
3) Humor
Most men love someone whom we can joke with, and goof around like nobody's business. Men are weird creatures who find even the simplest thing amusing. Who do you think invented the World Farting/Belching Championships?? Kate Moss?? DUh!
4) Unpredictability
It's been proven that men get bored more easily than women. If a man fails to find something new about that lady he is dating, he is most likely to bail. It does'nt have to be something overly unpredictable like suddenly discovering that the woman he's been dating is actually the daughter of the King of Swaziland-Land..even subtlest of things like suddenly finding out that you actually enjoy digging your nose in public, is good enough.
5) Independence
There is a difference between a Genuinely Independant woman and someone who is just a Destiny Child's wannabe. How to spot the difference? The latter is someone who constantly says that she is uberly independent and openly declares (every 15 minutes) that she is capable of living without a man's presence in her life. A genuinely independent woman is someone who does things independently in the pretext of wanting to 'help' ease the burden of others (in a non-declarative way).
6) Emotionally "balanced"
The last thing that a man needs is to play Psychologist/Nanny/Care-giver/Uncle Agony to the woman he is dating. I mean of course, its okay to feel moody sometimes but 24/7? If we want an emotional Train-wreck victim as a potential mate, you will probably see throngs of men queueing outside some random Mental Asylum already.It's not easy to describe an IDEAL WOMAN in a few sentences... but the truth is that a Man who Really Knows what he Wants in a Lady, can recognize one, INSTANTLY.
Disclaimer: I am NOT a Love Guru or neither am i a Qualified Psychologist (Ethically speaking, i can't be called '100% Qualified' since i've yet to take my Masters in Clinical PSy). However, my main source of Free-time Entertainment is researching, and reading up books about the Psychology of Men, Women and everything in between. Everything i write will be based purely on factual stuff, so you can safely bet that none of the thoeries that i will share with you, were coined while i was doing the dishes, late last night.
Whatever i am about to share with you will change how you view men, dating, and relationships .I'm about to take you "behind the scenes" in the male mind. Are you ready? Now sit back, relax and allow me to disect a man's cerebral cortex, and give you a perspective that most women will never be able to see or realize, until its too late.
Sadly for most women, not seeing things the way I'm about to share with you keeps them trapped in patterns of misunderstanding and unfulfilling relationships with men.If you pay careful attention , you're going to start having better chances with men, whether you're single and looking for that right guy... or you're already in a relationship, and you'd like to start connecting on a deeper level.
WHAT MEN SAY AND WHAT THEY REALLY MEANT BY THAT.
Have you ever heard a guy telling you, "I'm not ready for a serious relationship." How about this one : "Let's take a break." If you've ever been close to a man, then i'm sure you've heard those words before (Yes, even if you're Miss World). Men say these kinda things all the time; All across from Spain to Singapore, and London to Japan. And do you have the slightest idea by what they really mean when they say those words?
If you think about it, most men who've actually said those words will most likely end up with another woman soon after. They would start meeting new women, go on dates, and once they've found a woman they liked, and were very attracted to, they'd spend most of their time with this new woman.
They would end up jumping into another "serious relationship" with this person, even though they said they were'nt ready to do so with the previous woman!!!
Now what's the freaking problem??
Let me explain.
When a WOMAN says, "I'm going to stay home and relax today," she probably means that she's going to stay home, make sure that her house and life is in order, catch up on chores, feed the cat, and then maybe watch some Desperate Housewives DVDs, alone.
When a MAN says that he's going to "stay home and relax", he's probably going to watch some porn with 20 of his closest friends, play the PSP, surf Tagged.com looking for females to prey on, and/or sleep till the cows come home.
In simple words: MEN and WOMEN are programmed to think, feel and react differently.While women are mostly emotionally driven, men are catalysted by the power of Testoterone. The words they use often don't mean what they sound like they mean.
THE BIG SECRET MEN AIN'T TELLING YOU.
Most men rarely declare what they really want from a woman, why they date, and what it means for them to have a relationship.Unfortunately, for the good women who are trying to create a great relationship with a man, this invisible barrier may be hard to penetrate! Sibei heng, I have the answers.... (Thanks to the Men-Expert, Mr C.Carter)
Most Men only want a relationship with a woman who already has about 100 other qualities that they never mention and could probably never list or describe even if they were asked to. And, they'll only end up emotionally involved and not RESISTING a long term relationship, if they experience for themselves a woman who proves she has these qualities over time.In other words, most men have a set of "WANTS IN A WOMAN" subconciously programmed in their Brains, and until they find that perfect woman, he is mostly likely bail, and look for the next one that fits/nearly fits his pre-requisites.MOST MEN don't want a woman they have to 'train'.The last thing a man wants to do, is to take a woman who DOESN'T "naturally" understand these things, and show her what they are, and how they work. It's unfair you say? But hey, you women are not easy to understand either! Hahaa..:)
THE IDEAL WOMAN
Here are a few that are important to most of us, Men:
1) Lack of Insecurities.
Men absolutely hate it when they see a women who are'nt confident about how they look, feel or being perceived by others. EXAMPLE: You happen to be someone who has a near perfect WHR (Waist to Hip Ratio), but keeps on ranting about your weight issues. Come on la, how much thinner can a piece of paper get?? How do you expect us men to accept your imperfections when you yourself are unable to do so?
2) Easygoing
Most men love hanging out with women who are fun-loving and sociable, especially around his friends. Girls who are anti-social are a no-no for most men. (Singaporean Terms: Rilek one corner, chill, steady bom pi pi)
3) Humor
Most men love someone whom we can joke with, and goof around like nobody's business. Men are weird creatures who find even the simplest thing amusing. Who do you think invented the World Farting/Belching Championships?? Kate Moss?? DUh!
4) Unpredictability
It's been proven that men get bored more easily than women. If a man fails to find something new about that lady he is dating, he is most likely to bail. It does'nt have to be something overly unpredictable like suddenly discovering that the woman he's been dating is actually the daughter of the King of Swaziland-Land..even subtlest of things like suddenly finding out that you actually enjoy digging your nose in public, is good enough.
5) Independence
There is a difference between a Genuinely Independant woman and someone who is just a Destiny Child's wannabe. How to spot the difference? The latter is someone who constantly says that she is uberly independent and openly declares (every 15 minutes) that she is capable of living without a man's presence in her life. A genuinely independent woman is someone who does things independently in the pretext of wanting to 'help' ease the burden of others (in a non-declarative way).
6) Emotionally "balanced"
The last thing that a man needs is to play Psychologist/Nanny/Care-giver/Uncle Agony to the woman he is dating. I mean of course, its okay to feel moody sometimes but 24/7? If we want an emotional Train-wreck victim as a potential mate, you will probably see throngs of men queueing outside some random Mental Asylum already.It's not easy to describe an IDEAL WOMAN in a few sentences... but the truth is that a Man who Really Knows what he Wants in a Lady, can recognize one, INSTANTLY.
Why i Don't date girls from my own Race.
OK...i know for a fact that with an entry title such as this, i will bound to ruffle some feathers.
Before you even begin to judge, please hear me out first.I am not racist. Err..especially when it's pretty ridiculous to be racist against your own race.If you know me well enough, you will know that alot of my good friends ( like Abdillah, Nish, Nat ) are from my own race, and i truly enjoy every minute i spend with them.
However, to be completely honest, i've never been in a relationship with someone from my own race. Am i proud of it? No. Have i tried dating malay girls? Yes. Do i find them interesting? Yes, some of them.
Do i think malay girls are beautiful? Of course. Then what's the bloody problem right?
Emotional attraction. That's why.
Emotional attraction is clearly a chemical thing which is reinforced with a person’s social conditioning. Physically, the same principal applies, but without the cultural component, of course. I can’t explain exactly why i find it so difficult to be emotionally attached to a malay girl, no matter how cute,sexy or gorgeous she is. There is no correlation between Physical and Emotional attraction. Not for me atleast. However, I have found that all of the key physical characteristics that work for me can be found in virtually every racial group.This is especially true in a multi-cultural society such as ours where there is a growing number of people from diverse races.
I think the key word here is Social Conditioning. You see, it all started back in my secondary school days. I came from a school that is predominantly populated by chinese students, and it's a no-brainer that cognitively, i tend to behave, act, and date like one too. For a start, there were'nt many malay girls for me to oogle at or talk to ( probably less than 10?) in school. It was considered normal for me to interact more with girls from other races, specifically those from the chinese race. Naturally, i developed a sense of closeness (proximity, emotional attachment, whatever you want to call it) with them. And it does'nt take the Supernatural Powers of Captain Obvious to predict that i would inevitably end up dating one.
Have i tried dating malay girls? Of course. I tried dating a few malay girls during and after Polytechnic, hoping that what happened in secondary school was another phase of Self-Discovery. However, no matter how much i may have liked them, physically or personality wise, i always find that there was something missing. As much as i was attracted to them, i was not able to commit myself emotionally enough to take it to the next level.
So do i Promote Interracial Relationships/Marriages?I think it all comes down to the individual cognitive mindset of each person. If both partners can deal with the flak that will certainly come their way at some point in their relationship, then I say go ahead. Dating in most societies is used to find a suitable mate. If that suitable mate happens to be of another race, then so be it. I like to think back on my art training when thinking about this subject. The only time you see color is when there is light to reflect it back to our vision. In complete darkness you are blind. I guess that's why Stevie Wonder seems and the Late Ray Charles seemed to be so happy because that was one less care in life that they had. In fact some of the most happy people I have ever seen have been blind . I don't wish to get off into a rant so here is the conclusion. You can either open your mind to the truth or you can be in darkness for the rest of your life.
I chose to open my mind, and accept myself for who I truly am.
My beloved mom said this to me once, a couple of years ago, " You know Faiz, i foresee that you will end up marrying someone from another race. I don't really mind, just as long as i know that the woman of your choice can accept and love you for who you are, the same way you accept and love her for who she is. As long as you're happy, you have my blessings."
That is all i ever need to hear.
PS: Phewww....with this off my hair-less chest, i can finally move on to something a little more light-hearted. I was 'rummaging' through my old phone and look at what i found! Ahaha..its me and Abdillah goofing around in Toys R Us!! I think this was taken in October last year?!! Oh great, nothing have changed since then. I am still collecting Rubiks Cube (47 now and counting) and more importantly, we are still epicly crappy as ever. Haha. :)
Before you even begin to judge, please hear me out first.I am not racist. Err..especially when it's pretty ridiculous to be racist against your own race.If you know me well enough, you will know that alot of my good friends ( like Abdillah, Nish, Nat ) are from my own race, and i truly enjoy every minute i spend with them.
However, to be completely honest, i've never been in a relationship with someone from my own race. Am i proud of it? No. Have i tried dating malay girls? Yes. Do i find them interesting? Yes, some of them.
Do i think malay girls are beautiful? Of course. Then what's the bloody problem right?
Emotional attraction. That's why.
Emotional attraction is clearly a chemical thing which is reinforced with a person’s social conditioning. Physically, the same principal applies, but without the cultural component, of course. I can’t explain exactly why i find it so difficult to be emotionally attached to a malay girl, no matter how cute,sexy or gorgeous she is. There is no correlation between Physical and Emotional attraction. Not for me atleast. However, I have found that all of the key physical characteristics that work for me can be found in virtually every racial group.This is especially true in a multi-cultural society such as ours where there is a growing number of people from diverse races.
I think the key word here is Social Conditioning. You see, it all started back in my secondary school days. I came from a school that is predominantly populated by chinese students, and it's a no-brainer that cognitively, i tend to behave, act, and date like one too. For a start, there were'nt many malay girls for me to oogle at or talk to ( probably less than 10?) in school. It was considered normal for me to interact more with girls from other races, specifically those from the chinese race. Naturally, i developed a sense of closeness (proximity, emotional attachment, whatever you want to call it) with them. And it does'nt take the Supernatural Powers of Captain Obvious to predict that i would inevitably end up dating one.
Have i tried dating malay girls? Of course. I tried dating a few malay girls during and after Polytechnic, hoping that what happened in secondary school was another phase of Self-Discovery. However, no matter how much i may have liked them, physically or personality wise, i always find that there was something missing. As much as i was attracted to them, i was not able to commit myself emotionally enough to take it to the next level.
So do i Promote Interracial Relationships/Marriages?I think it all comes down to the individual cognitive mindset of each person. If both partners can deal with the flak that will certainly come their way at some point in their relationship, then I say go ahead. Dating in most societies is used to find a suitable mate. If that suitable mate happens to be of another race, then so be it. I like to think back on my art training when thinking about this subject. The only time you see color is when there is light to reflect it back to our vision. In complete darkness you are blind. I guess that's why Stevie Wonder seems and the Late Ray Charles seemed to be so happy because that was one less care in life that they had. In fact some of the most happy people I have ever seen have been blind . I don't wish to get off into a rant so here is the conclusion. You can either open your mind to the truth or you can be in darkness for the rest of your life.
I chose to open my mind, and accept myself for who I truly am.
My beloved mom said this to me once, a couple of years ago, " You know Faiz, i foresee that you will end up marrying someone from another race. I don't really mind, just as long as i know that the woman of your choice can accept and love you for who you are, the same way you accept and love her for who she is. As long as you're happy, you have my blessings."
That is all i ever need to hear.
PS: Phewww....with this off my hair-less chest, i can finally move on to something a little more light-hearted. I was 'rummaging' through my old phone and look at what i found! Ahaha..its me and Abdillah goofing around in Toys R Us!! I think this was taken in October last year?!! Oh great, nothing have changed since then. I am still collecting Rubiks Cube (47 now and counting) and more importantly, we are still epicly crappy as ever. Haha. :)
The Science Behind Interpersonal Attraction.
Disclaimer: To those of you who have been emailing and asking me shit..Let me clear the air once and for all: I am NOT a Love Guru and neither am i a Qualified Psychologist (Ethically speaking, i can't be called '100% Qualified' since i don't have a Master's Degree). However, my main source of Free-time Entertainment is researching, and reading up books about the Psychology of Men, Women and everything in between. Everything i write will be based purely on factual stuff, so you can safely bet that none of the theories that i will share with you, were coined while i was doing the dishes, late last night. Before i start to explain the Stenberg's Triangular Theory of Love, let me begin by introducing to you the Science behind the Laws of Attraction. Ah yes, the reasons why we actually start 'falling' for someone, and why we find that person attractive in the first place. So yeah just sit back, and continue reading (If you want to).
Prejudice pretty much explains why people don't like each other. What does Psychology say about why people 'attract' or 'repel' certain people? Believe or not, Psychologists have come up with a 'Rule Book' which pre-determines your liking or the desire for a relationship with someone else, and it's coined the 'Science of Interpersonal Attraction'. There's several factors involved in the attraction of one person to another, including both superficial physical characteristics, such as physical beauty and proximity, as well as elements of personality.
THE FIRST RULE: PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS
When people think about what attracts them to another person, it's often all about the looks. So in other words, physical beauty is one of the main factors that influence people's initial choice for selecting people they want to get to know better. Yeah looking like a hybrid of Brad Pitt+Tom Cruise+Wentsworth Miller will definitely help you to get that initial attention from the opposite sex. However, if you look like me, and think that you're beyond the realms of hope in the Beauty Department; Fret NOT.
As long as you're sincere and have a decent personality, the ladies/gentlemen will still take notice. Although it's not exactly 'Love at first Sight' but more like 'Love at first Humour'. And damn it, for whatever reason you're hopeless with jokes (even those lameass knock-knock ones), there is one last Weapon Of Mass Attraction (WOMA) that you can use to create that lasting first impression.
SMILE. Yes, it does'nt matter if your teeth are mostly crooked like a line of fallen domino chips. Just smile. And make sure you look sincere when doing so.
THE SECOND RULE: PROXIMITY
The closer together people are physically, such as working in the same office or living in the same Hostel, the more likely they are to form a relationship. For those of you who are probably WIKIPEDIA-ing the meaning of Proximity, let me explain. Proximity in this context simply means being physically near to someone else. When you think about it, people are most likely to choose friends and lovers from the pool of people available to them, and availability depends heavily on Proximity. Okay i am going to go into the 'Theory' of things, so for those of you who are Anti-Theories, please look away now. Haha.. It has been theorised that Proximity is so important because it involves the idea of repeated exposure to a new stimuli. The more people experience something, whether it's a song, picture, or in this case a person, the more people will tend to like it. The Phrase "it grew on me" refers to this reaction. When people are in physical proximity to each other, repeated exposure may increase their attraction to one another. Oh please, that does'nt mean that when you like somebody, you have to be 24/7 circling that person like oxygen. Don't be stupid. There's a HUGE difference between 'significant presence' and 'emotional/physical scotch-tape'. Give that person his/her space. Take it from me, the King of Space-Outs. Haha!
THE THIRD RULE: BIRDS OF THE SAME FEATHER EAT THE SAME WORM
haha..okay i made the 'eating the same worm part' up. What im really trying to say is 'Similiarity'. Similiarity as a factor in Relationships makes sense when seen in terms of validation of a person's beliefs and attitudes. In other words, when other people hold the same attitudes and beliefs and do the same kinds of actions, it makes a person's own concepts seem more correct or valid.As a person you are constantly searching for some kind of identity that defines who you are as a person, and the best way to accentuate that identity is to mix with like-minded people. That is why Mats are doing so well. They have this inbuilt GPRS Mat-Tracking System which allow them to track down other mats where they can then share their undying passion of irritating the living hell out of people like me. Okay, that's beside the point. Sorry, i can get rather emotional when i talk about these people. Anyway..that brings us to..
THE FOURTH AND LAST RULE: THE REPROCITY OF LIKING
OmG, let me sidetrack abit..Class95 is playing the 'Lemon Tree' Song on radio!! Haha..i used to dig this song so much that i begged my High School's Discipline Master to allow me and my wannabe Rockstar friends to perform that song onstage during assembly! hahahahaha.."im turning my head,up and down, turning turning turning turning..
"Ehem, where was I? Oh, the Reciprocity of Liking. People have a very strong tendency to like people who like them, a simple yet powerful concept. The only time that liking someone does not seem to make that person like the other in return is if a person suffers from feelings of mistrust. This mistrust can cause you to act unfriendly to that person, which makes the person more likely to become unfriendly to you in a kind of self-fulfilling Prophecy.What's up with the mistrust? It's hard to explain. There could be a million and one completely different reasons; It could be an aftershock from past relationship experiences.
It could even be as weird as 'That the person's face reminds you of a character from a movie you've grown to hate/distrust', and for some reason you feel it's hard to connect to that person from an emotional standpoint. To each his own, basically. So people of the world, i truly hope that this little write-up will help you better understand the logic behind how 'Harry Met Sally', and why they can't seem to get enough of each other, after that.
I think i shall discuss Robert Stenberg's Triangular Theory of Love in my next entry. My stomach is calling me for a Big Mac Meal and i think i might have to answer that soon.
Okay, Good Luck with that quest for that Special Someone!
Prejudice pretty much explains why people don't like each other. What does Psychology say about why people 'attract' or 'repel' certain people? Believe or not, Psychologists have come up with a 'Rule Book' which pre-determines your liking or the desire for a relationship with someone else, and it's coined the 'Science of Interpersonal Attraction'. There's several factors involved in the attraction of one person to another, including both superficial physical characteristics, such as physical beauty and proximity, as well as elements of personality.
THE FIRST RULE: PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS
When people think about what attracts them to another person, it's often all about the looks. So in other words, physical beauty is one of the main factors that influence people's initial choice for selecting people they want to get to know better. Yeah looking like a hybrid of Brad Pitt+Tom Cruise+Wentsworth Miller will definitely help you to get that initial attention from the opposite sex. However, if you look like me, and think that you're beyond the realms of hope in the Beauty Department; Fret NOT.
As long as you're sincere and have a decent personality, the ladies/gentlemen will still take notice. Although it's not exactly 'Love at first Sight' but more like 'Love at first Humour'. And damn it, for whatever reason you're hopeless with jokes (even those lameass knock-knock ones), there is one last Weapon Of Mass Attraction (WOMA) that you can use to create that lasting first impression.
SMILE. Yes, it does'nt matter if your teeth are mostly crooked like a line of fallen domino chips. Just smile. And make sure you look sincere when doing so.
THE SECOND RULE: PROXIMITY
The closer together people are physically, such as working in the same office or living in the same Hostel, the more likely they are to form a relationship. For those of you who are probably WIKIPEDIA-ing the meaning of Proximity, let me explain. Proximity in this context simply means being physically near to someone else. When you think about it, people are most likely to choose friends and lovers from the pool of people available to them, and availability depends heavily on Proximity. Okay i am going to go into the 'Theory' of things, so for those of you who are Anti-Theories, please look away now. Haha.. It has been theorised that Proximity is so important because it involves the idea of repeated exposure to a new stimuli. The more people experience something, whether it's a song, picture, or in this case a person, the more people will tend to like it. The Phrase "it grew on me" refers to this reaction. When people are in physical proximity to each other, repeated exposure may increase their attraction to one another. Oh please, that does'nt mean that when you like somebody, you have to be 24/7 circling that person like oxygen. Don't be stupid. There's a HUGE difference between 'significant presence' and 'emotional/physical scotch-tape'. Give that person his/her space. Take it from me, the King of Space-Outs. Haha!
THE THIRD RULE: BIRDS OF THE SAME FEATHER EAT THE SAME WORM
haha..okay i made the 'eating the same worm part' up. What im really trying to say is 'Similiarity'. Similiarity as a factor in Relationships makes sense when seen in terms of validation of a person's beliefs and attitudes. In other words, when other people hold the same attitudes and beliefs and do the same kinds of actions, it makes a person's own concepts seem more correct or valid.As a person you are constantly searching for some kind of identity that defines who you are as a person, and the best way to accentuate that identity is to mix with like-minded people. That is why Mats are doing so well. They have this inbuilt GPRS Mat-Tracking System which allow them to track down other mats where they can then share their undying passion of irritating the living hell out of people like me. Okay, that's beside the point. Sorry, i can get rather emotional when i talk about these people. Anyway..that brings us to..
THE FOURTH AND LAST RULE: THE REPROCITY OF LIKING
OmG, let me sidetrack abit..Class95 is playing the 'Lemon Tree' Song on radio!! Haha..i used to dig this song so much that i begged my High School's Discipline Master to allow me and my wannabe Rockstar friends to perform that song onstage during assembly! hahahahaha.."im turning my head,up and down, turning turning turning turning..
"Ehem, where was I? Oh, the Reciprocity of Liking. People have a very strong tendency to like people who like them, a simple yet powerful concept. The only time that liking someone does not seem to make that person like the other in return is if a person suffers from feelings of mistrust. This mistrust can cause you to act unfriendly to that person, which makes the person more likely to become unfriendly to you in a kind of self-fulfilling Prophecy.What's up with the mistrust? It's hard to explain. There could be a million and one completely different reasons; It could be an aftershock from past relationship experiences.
It could even be as weird as 'That the person's face reminds you of a character from a movie you've grown to hate/distrust', and for some reason you feel it's hard to connect to that person from an emotional standpoint. To each his own, basically. So people of the world, i truly hope that this little write-up will help you better understand the logic behind how 'Harry Met Sally', and why they can't seem to get enough of each other, after that.
I think i shall discuss Robert Stenberg's Triangular Theory of Love in my next entry. My stomach is calling me for a Big Mac Meal and i think i might have to answer that soon.
Okay, Good Luck with that quest for that Special Someone!
2009/10/03
Women and their Power over Men.
This Entry has been sitting in my draft folder for ages. Thought i let it out. Enjoy. :)
Women.
Their Power over Men.
What is it about women that makes us, men, wish we were Smarter, Richer, Better-Looking, Better-Dressed, Socially eloquent...etc ? (You get my drift)
If you happen to be a woman, Kindly skip this entry. This is not for you. Can someone please invent some "HTML' codings, that can temporarily block out female-readers? Haha..Gender verification code; anyone? Gosh, i feel so helpless. Nevermind. Please Pretend that you did'nt read this.
Guys, let me ask you this question:"Let's say you meet this lady and wanted to date this person. But the person said that after 2 years, she would disappear from your life forever and there is nothing, absolutely nothing you could do about it. Would you still try and date this person?" Anyway, believe it or not, there did a survey on this and the results were pretty much...Predictable..
95% of the women said 'No'while 89% of the men surveyed said 'Yes'.So what can be hypothesized from this survey? That women are far more serious about relationships while us men are just in it for the 'chase'?
Hmmmmmm...Okay before i start this potentially long post, i suggest that you go make yourself a cup of hot milo or go take a smoking break. I need one too.
*YOU HAVE EXACTLY 5 MINUTES*
DONE?
Okay before we start, let me explain that i am, by NO MEANS a dating/love expert...However, i have read and analysed tonnes of books, journals, articles in regards to this topic. .Whatever i am about to share with you are purely my own views as a Singaporean male living in Singapore, and by no means, am i asking you guys to take them word for word. Okay guys?
For you pricks that think you are the smoothest cat in the alley, let me bring you back to mother earth.
Love Versus Money
Okayy..when a man looks affectionately into his partner's eyes and says those magic words "I love you", he is probably not faking a genuine concern for her and her welfare. These signs are extremely important to women.
But is it always true?
A genuine concern and willingness to invest are relatively meaningless, if the man has nothing but time and energy to offer. He must also have the ability to invest sufficiently; money-wise. Men who are sensitive, caring, and affectionate but who, in the eyes of their female partners, cannot provide an adequate material investment are likely to be discarded. The signs of emotional investment are important to most women, but unfortunately, not sufficient.
And oh, im particularly talking about those matured women, not girls who are still very much into 5566, Powerpuff Girls and all that nonsense.. (Secondary school puppy-lovers please exit now)
Sigh, it's stuff like these that inspires me work so bloody hard at my resort business and wonder if my best is ever good enough...No la, like you, i expect no pittance. It's not like i cry each time i see a couple holding hands as they stroll to their $1.4 mil Purple Larmbourgini, thinking how happy their life must be.
.....you might say:
"No, Faiz.! Not all women are like that..not all of them are lecherous creatures who are out to swindle all your money at the very first date!!"
That is not what i meant, you self-righteous whoever-you-are ..im just saying that, in this expensive society that we live in (i paid $0.40 to use a 'public' toilet just now), how little is too little for a man to safely say that he is ready to take the plunge (into marriage)? ..Yes i know, there are women out there, even the very successful ones who don't give a freaking hoot whether their partners earns as much as they do; as long as the sex is awesome.I'm just kidding.
On a more serious note; let us be realistic here.We Singaporean men, (remove our fathers' generation from the equation) jolly-well know that we simply can't expect to sustain a marriage on the basis of Love Alone. Even VR-man (our super-famous local superhero), has a day job doing sales.
The Clothing Experiment
A survey was done (yes, i don't fire blanks, it's all about the statistics) where they got random men and women to assess random pictures of models from the opposite sex (not the runway model kind, but ordinary looking people like you and i) in different clothings and asked to rate them from a scale of 1 to 10 on their level of attractiveness .They then reported how willing they would be to enter different types of relationships with people like the one in the picture--from coffee and conversation through dating, sexual relations, and marriage.
How the models were dressed (if i could remember correctly):
The high-status costume consisted of a white dress shirt with a designer tie, a navy blazer thrown over the left shoulder, and a Rolex wrist watch. Female models wore a white silk blouse,a navy blazer thrown over the left shoulder, and a woman's Rolex.To depict medium status, models wore an off-white shirt and khaki slacks. For low social status the models wore the uniform of a well-known hamburger chain. Male and female models were matched for physical attractiveness. Something like that.
The results?
Men said they were very willing to have coffee and conversation with the prettiest model, and they were completely indifferent to how she was dressed.
Women, however, were affected by how the men were dressed: they were more willing to have coffee and conversation with men who wore the blazer and Rolex. In rating models' acceptability as dates, the greatest difference between men and women was in the effects of the high-status costume. For women, the high-status costume made the homely model acceptable as a date, but he was not acceptable when he wore the fast-food uniform. Men, on the other hand, were not willing to date the homelier model in either costume.
In fact, for women, the blazer and Rolex made the homely model more acceptable than the best-looking model in the fast-food uniform for all types of relationships. This was not true for men. Costumes did not affect men's ratings, but they did affect women's ratings. (Haha...Thank God the female models were not made to wear nurse's uniforms, or something like that..cos the results would be very different otherwise.)
Again, i wish to clarify that this survey was'nt done in a local Polytechnic or some random high-school. These subjects were matured working adults. So you see! How you dress is pretty important to the opposite sex! It's pretty clear that women see clean-cut guys as homely material, no matter how fugly they really are. Yes, apparently we can be as horny or fugly as we want, but hey, put on some crispy blue shirt and slap on that Rolex Oyster Perpetual (Real ones, not petaling street) and presto, you're marriage material!!
Eat Shit.
I happen to own a Rolex but i don't need one to be viewed as marriage material. Seriously, this is why i freaking hate this kinda surveys, simply because it is useless and pointless and does'nt prove a point, really. And its actually pretty deragotary to both the sexes.
It's like trying to pigeon-hole women as materialistic creatures and us men, as monsters that make decisions based on what their dicks tell them.
Women.
Their Power over Men.
What is it about women that makes us, men, wish we were Smarter, Richer, Better-Looking, Better-Dressed, Socially eloquent...etc ? (You get my drift)
If you happen to be a woman, Kindly skip this entry. This is not for you. Can someone please invent some "HTML' codings, that can temporarily block out female-readers? Haha..Gender verification code; anyone? Gosh, i feel so helpless. Nevermind. Please Pretend that you did'nt read this.
Guys, let me ask you this question:"Let's say you meet this lady and wanted to date this person. But the person said that after 2 years, she would disappear from your life forever and there is nothing, absolutely nothing you could do about it. Would you still try and date this person?" Anyway, believe it or not, there did a survey on this and the results were pretty much...Predictable..
95% of the women said 'No'while 89% of the men surveyed said 'Yes'.So what can be hypothesized from this survey? That women are far more serious about relationships while us men are just in it for the 'chase'?
Hmmmmmm...Okay before i start this potentially long post, i suggest that you go make yourself a cup of hot milo or go take a smoking break. I need one too.
*YOU HAVE EXACTLY 5 MINUTES*
DONE?
Okay before we start, let me explain that i am, by NO MEANS a dating/love expert...However, i have read and analysed tonnes of books, journals, articles in regards to this topic. .Whatever i am about to share with you are purely my own views as a Singaporean male living in Singapore, and by no means, am i asking you guys to take them word for word. Okay guys?
For you pricks that think you are the smoothest cat in the alley, let me bring you back to mother earth.
Love Versus Money
Okayy..when a man looks affectionately into his partner's eyes and says those magic words "I love you", he is probably not faking a genuine concern for her and her welfare. These signs are extremely important to women.
But is it always true?
A genuine concern and willingness to invest are relatively meaningless, if the man has nothing but time and energy to offer. He must also have the ability to invest sufficiently; money-wise. Men who are sensitive, caring, and affectionate but who, in the eyes of their female partners, cannot provide an adequate material investment are likely to be discarded. The signs of emotional investment are important to most women, but unfortunately, not sufficient.
And oh, im particularly talking about those matured women, not girls who are still very much into 5566, Powerpuff Girls and all that nonsense.. (Secondary school puppy-lovers please exit now)
Sigh, it's stuff like these that inspires me work so bloody hard at my resort business and wonder if my best is ever good enough...No la, like you, i expect no pittance. It's not like i cry each time i see a couple holding hands as they stroll to their $1.4 mil Purple Larmbourgini, thinking how happy their life must be.
.....you might say:
"No, Faiz.! Not all women are like that..not all of them are lecherous creatures who are out to swindle all your money at the very first date!!"
That is not what i meant, you self-righteous whoever-you-are ..im just saying that, in this expensive society that we live in (i paid $0.40 to use a 'public' toilet just now), how little is too little for a man to safely say that he is ready to take the plunge (into marriage)? ..Yes i know, there are women out there, even the very successful ones who don't give a freaking hoot whether their partners earns as much as they do; as long as the sex is awesome.I'm just kidding.
On a more serious note; let us be realistic here.We Singaporean men, (remove our fathers' generation from the equation) jolly-well know that we simply can't expect to sustain a marriage on the basis of Love Alone. Even VR-man (our super-famous local superhero), has a day job doing sales.
The Clothing Experiment
A survey was done (yes, i don't fire blanks, it's all about the statistics) where they got random men and women to assess random pictures of models from the opposite sex (not the runway model kind, but ordinary looking people like you and i) in different clothings and asked to rate them from a scale of 1 to 10 on their level of attractiveness .They then reported how willing they would be to enter different types of relationships with people like the one in the picture--from coffee and conversation through dating, sexual relations, and marriage.
How the models were dressed (if i could remember correctly):
The high-status costume consisted of a white dress shirt with a designer tie, a navy blazer thrown over the left shoulder, and a Rolex wrist watch. Female models wore a white silk blouse,a navy blazer thrown over the left shoulder, and a woman's Rolex.To depict medium status, models wore an off-white shirt and khaki slacks. For low social status the models wore the uniform of a well-known hamburger chain. Male and female models were matched for physical attractiveness. Something like that.
The results?
Men said they were very willing to have coffee and conversation with the prettiest model, and they were completely indifferent to how she was dressed.
Women, however, were affected by how the men were dressed: they were more willing to have coffee and conversation with men who wore the blazer and Rolex. In rating models' acceptability as dates, the greatest difference between men and women was in the effects of the high-status costume. For women, the high-status costume made the homely model acceptable as a date, but he was not acceptable when he wore the fast-food uniform. Men, on the other hand, were not willing to date the homelier model in either costume.
In fact, for women, the blazer and Rolex made the homely model more acceptable than the best-looking model in the fast-food uniform for all types of relationships. This was not true for men. Costumes did not affect men's ratings, but they did affect women's ratings. (Haha...Thank God the female models were not made to wear nurse's uniforms, or something like that..cos the results would be very different otherwise.)
Again, i wish to clarify that this survey was'nt done in a local Polytechnic or some random high-school. These subjects were matured working adults. So you see! How you dress is pretty important to the opposite sex! It's pretty clear that women see clean-cut guys as homely material, no matter how fugly they really are. Yes, apparently we can be as horny or fugly as we want, but hey, put on some crispy blue shirt and slap on that Rolex Oyster Perpetual (Real ones, not petaling street) and presto, you're marriage material!!
Eat Shit.
I happen to own a Rolex but i don't need one to be viewed as marriage material. Seriously, this is why i freaking hate this kinda surveys, simply because it is useless and pointless and does'nt prove a point, really. And its actually pretty deragotary to both the sexes.
It's like trying to pigeon-hole women as materialistic creatures and us men, as monsters that make decisions based on what their dicks tell them.
2009/09/13
Congratulations! You're officially the World's Worst Barista.
For those of you who have been following my blogs for the longest of time, you would have probably realised by now that i rarely ever bitch about anyone or anything. Tonight i am going to make an exception. Cos im fucking pissed. Fucking fucking fucking pissed.
I am supposed to be doing my assignment on Ageism, but that can fucking wait. Cos im fucking fucking fucking pissed and i need a second outlet (the first being my Gf of course..)
I have been a regular at Mac Cafe west coast park since its inception in 2003. I really like the place. Until today.
Let me tell you why i am so fucking pissed.
With a fucking smile on my face, i went up to the Mac Cafe counter to place my order. Over at the register, i was 'greeted' by this lady who for some idiosyncratic reasons, only God knows what, behaved as if i was her long lost runaway groom!! Oh my GAwdddddddddddd you should have seen her expression! There was so much aversion on her face, it's fucking unreal!!!
World's Worst Service Staff: " Yes...what you want?"
Me: "Errr... MOCHA Frappe please.."
Judging be her affronted countenance, I was pretty much sure she's convinced i was her runaway groom, and that i was destined to be stabbed to death in 5...
4...
3...
2...
World's Worst Service Staff: " Having here ah??"
Me: "Yess..."
I was getting annoyed.
World's Worst Service Staff: " So you want CARAMEL Frappe??"
Me: "Errr...no i want a MOCHA Frappe.."
She was getting fucking annoyed, for some fuck-what reasons.
World's Worst Service Staff: " TWO DOLLAR SEVENTY CENTS.."
I handed her FOUR DOLLARS.
World's Worst Service Staff: "Eh..it's FOUR DOLLARS SEVENTY CENTS LAA!!"
At this point, all i could do was to stare at here. I could have sworn i would have drag her ass across the counter by her collar, and completely muaythai-ed her ass IF she was a MALE staff...
She took my seventy cents, and literally threw it into the register!!
PUANINANEICHAUCHICKENNN!!!!!
Me: " Eh hello.. your service fucked up."
I continued to stare at her while she made my drink. She refused to pass the drink directly to me, and instead asked her collegue to do so.
World's Worst Service Staff; Runner-up: "Nahhh.." *slams my drink on the counter*
What have i done to deserve this kind of service sia??? Don't like to serve others then go fucking work in a feather duster factory la!!! You know where else i can recommend you both?! The Zoo. Yes, the fucking zoo. No, not at the ticketing counter but right there at the back SCOOPING UP ELEPHANT SHIT. You can EMO ALL YOU WANT bcos the elephants won't give a fuck, as long as their pen is clean.
Congratulations.You're both officially the World's Worst Barista.
I am supposed to be doing my assignment on Ageism, but that can fucking wait. Cos im fucking fucking fucking pissed and i need a second outlet (the first being my Gf of course..)
I have been a regular at Mac Cafe west coast park since its inception in 2003. I really like the place. Until today.
Let me tell you why i am so fucking pissed.
With a fucking smile on my face, i went up to the Mac Cafe counter to place my order. Over at the register, i was 'greeted' by this lady who for some idiosyncratic reasons, only God knows what, behaved as if i was her long lost runaway groom!! Oh my GAwdddddddddddd you should have seen her expression! There was so much aversion on her face, it's fucking unreal!!!
World's Worst Service Staff: " Yes...what you want?"
Me: "Errr... MOCHA Frappe please.."
Judging be her affronted countenance, I was pretty much sure she's convinced i was her runaway groom, and that i was destined to be stabbed to death in 5...
4...
3...
2...
World's Worst Service Staff: " Having here ah??"
Me: "Yess..."
I was getting annoyed.
World's Worst Service Staff: " So you want CARAMEL Frappe??"
Me: "Errr...no i want a MOCHA Frappe.."
She was getting fucking annoyed, for some fuck-what reasons.
World's Worst Service Staff: " TWO DOLLAR SEVENTY CENTS.."
I handed her FOUR DOLLARS.
World's Worst Service Staff: "Eh..it's FOUR DOLLARS SEVENTY CENTS LAA!!"
At this point, all i could do was to stare at here. I could have sworn i would have drag her ass across the counter by her collar, and completely muaythai-ed her ass IF she was a MALE staff...
She took my seventy cents, and literally threw it into the register!!
PUANINANEICHAUCHICKENNN!!!!!
Me: " Eh hello.. your service fucked up."
I continued to stare at her while she made my drink. She refused to pass the drink directly to me, and instead asked her collegue to do so.
World's Worst Service Staff; Runner-up: "Nahhh.." *slams my drink on the counter*
What have i done to deserve this kind of service sia??? Don't like to serve others then go fucking work in a feather duster factory la!!! You know where else i can recommend you both?! The Zoo. Yes, the fucking zoo. No, not at the ticketing counter but right there at the back SCOOPING UP ELEPHANT SHIT. You can EMO ALL YOU WANT bcos the elephants won't give a fuck, as long as their pen is clean.
Congratulations.You're both officially the World's Worst Barista.
2009/09/02
Cheesy but Sooo True
I'm sorry if this entry pisses you off but hey, try to understand that im in love here. :)
Anyway Darling, this one is for You!
Anyway Darling, this one is for You!
2009/08/19
2009/08/17
Picking Up the Pieces.
Sorry for the long hiatus from blogging. Been extregrousicantilanciously (reads: very very very very very very to the power of 1000000) busy. Busy with what? Busy with everything else but blogging.
Anyway, I was at the Art House last Friday to catch my students' maiden stage performance! Oh my Gosh, they were like freaking amazing cannn??!! I am like superrr proud of all of you! Your months of practice completely paid off that night, and judging from the reactions of the sponsors, i can safely conclude that they were extremely proud to be a part of Picking up the Pieces, The Musical. Kudo darlings. ;)
They are my students okayyy..so don't anyhow say. :)
PS: To the anonymous person who commented on my previous entry, asking who Fann was.. she is my girlfriend la kaypo. Now take a look at the second picture again, and you can spot this gorgeous person sitting with a bouquet of roses in her hands. Yes, that's her.
Anyway, I was at the Art House last Friday to catch my students' maiden stage performance! Oh my Gosh, they were like freaking amazing cannn??!! I am like superrr proud of all of you! Your months of practice completely paid off that night, and judging from the reactions of the sponsors, i can safely conclude that they were extremely proud to be a part of Picking up the Pieces, The Musical. Kudo darlings. ;)
They are my students okayyy..so don't anyhow say. :)
PS: To the anonymous person who commented on my previous entry, asking who Fann was.. she is my girlfriend la kaypo. Now take a look at the second picture again, and you can spot this gorgeous person sitting with a bouquet of roses in her hands. Yes, that's her.
2009/08/11
2009/06/30
The Dogs are Barking.
I don't know if you can hear my neighbour's dogs barking in the background. It's a slap in the face i tell you. Haha!
2009/06/25
2009/06/22
2009/06/13
2009/06/12
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